□        Galations 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

□        2 Peter 1:5-9 For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins.

□        1 Corinthians 9:25 Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.

□        Titus 1:8 Rather he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined.

□        Proverbs 16:32 Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.

□        Proverbs 14:29 A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly.

□        Proverbs 15:18 A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.

□        James 1:19 My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,

□        James 1: 13-15 When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

□        James 1:26 If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.

□        James 2: 12-13 Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment!

□        James 3:9-10 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.

□        1 Peter 3:10 For, "Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech.

How to Demonstrate Self-Control

at Home

□        Refuse to allow other family members to provoke you to anger.

□        Never discipline in anger.

□        Look for ways to serve other family members rather than yourself.

□        Purpose never to raise your voice in anger in the home.

 

at Work/School

□        Purpose ahead of time that you will stand alone for what is right and refuse to compromise.

□        Refuse to participate in harmful habits.

□        Choose to walk away from questionable activities.

□        Don't allow anger to destroy the effectiveness of your witness.

 

at Church

□        Reject gossip about church leaders and other church members.

□        Never react in anger to those who disagree with you.

□        Follow the principles in Matthew 18:15-20 to restore someone who has a fault.

Self-Control on the Battlefield

"The battlefield is chaotic and deadly, and it is on the battlefield that we hold the responsibility of enormous destructive power in our hands. There, most of all, self-control is the premier ethical virtue."

"Self-control is a crucial value for all Marines to develop. It requires discipline, patience, self-understanding and a willing deference to others and the greater good. In a hectic world where so many things are beyond our control, self-control provides personal balance and a firm anchor of peace."

"As Marines develop self-control, they also improve their character."

 Semper Fidelis, C.C. Krulak, 1996

Observe with Care

If your lips would keep from slips,

Five things observe with care;

Of who you speak, to whom you speak,

And how and when and where.

Self-Control in the home includes:

• Family members controlling their tempers and resolving any anger they might have
• Being careful to speak words that would only encourage and not tear down one another, even when irritated
• Parents instilling in their children the good habits of proper nutrition, vigorous exercise, rising early, and following a structured daily schedule

Achieving True Success by Building a Character Family, IACC, Oklahoma City

Five Probing Questions

• Do you have any habits which you know grieve the Holy Spirit?
• Do you know how to discern a prompting of the Holy Spirit?
• Do you learn all the facts before answering a matter?
• Do you have regular times of fasting?
• Are you committed to giving a good report and rejecting gossip?

-Character Clues Game, IBLP

 

Self-Control in the Pulpit

What I’m about to describe has and is happening. In fact, it is exacerbating and complicating the problem of anger in our homes. A preacher gets angry in the pulpit, or uses anger in his preaching, or has an angry spirit while he is preaching. "How do I know?" Because I’ve been guilty. But I’m afraid I’m not alone. In fact, I have been in meetings where the "Amens" were the loudest when the preacher was the most angry. And I’m not against "Amens!" Sadly, most preachers who have this problem are like James and John. They don’t know it. It’s easy to get confused and think that the emotional high of anger is the same thing as the power of God upon your life.

Some people who hear an angry preacher preach know that he’s angry. But many men in the congregation have the same problem and therefore don’t know it. For a strong Bible preacher to have an angry spirit is not only an accepted thing in our day. It is also, in some circles, a strongly promoted, encouraged, and expected thing. Preachers have said things like: "If you don’t get in the pulpit and have a royal fit once every few months then you’ll have carnal, worldly church members and your church will never be all it ought to be." So the use of the carnal, worldly weapon of anger is supposedly proper and powerful to fight carnality and worldliness. Sometimes the angry spirit is heard in the things a preacher says, or the way he says them, or both!

Why do we use anger? Every preacher would have to answer that question for himself. But it’s easy to use anger as a substitute for study. If the point is not well supported with Scripture, Scriptural principle, Scriptural illustrations, strong reasoning, or other illustrations . . . . just use a little anger to drive the point home! Then, if a fellow is really talented, he may use some humor to gloss over the hurt being caused by his anger. Like a father trying to get a child to laugh after he just said or did something cruel or hurtful. Humor may wisely be used to make truth more acceptable. But humor should not be used to make anger more acceptable. Incidentally, anyone who says anything in anger will probably say the wrong thing. BUT, if you do say the right thing it will probably be said the wrong way. Proverbs 14:17 says, "He that is soon angry dealeth foolishly."

What are the results of this angry spirit in our pulpits? There are several of them:

(1) Continual strife among pastor and deacons, and pastor and people, and people and people. Remember that Proverbs 29:22 says, "An angry man stirreth up strife."

(2) Empty pews and people going to churches that don’t teach and preach the Bible just to get away from the angry spirit in the Bible-believing church. One preacher said to me, "I don’t believe all the people I ran off for years and blamed it on them when it wasn’t anything but my own angry spirit."

(3) A plague of anger is spread throughout homes, businesses, and society.

I was very careful how I chose those words. Anger is like a contagious plague! Since the anger is behind the pulpit, it must be right not only for there but for anywhere else. But that’s not the worst problem we have in this area. We are not simply defending and justifying a carnal work of the flesh. We are also promoting the spread of something that God himself says is contagious like a deadly disease. Proverbs 22:24-25 says, "Make no friendship [the Hebrew word means to pasture or feed] with an angry man [the Hebrew word means "ruler" or "leader"]; and with a furious man thou shalt not go: [WHY?] Lest [means "beware] thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul." When a preacher stands in the pulpit with an angry spirit, the fathers in the church "catch it" and don’t know they have it. Then many of the youth rebel against their parents and we can’t figure out how or why it has happened. I know this isn’t the only reason for problems in our churches and homes, but it is probably a bigger one than we realize.

(4) Vengeance is being handled by someone not Biblically qualified to handle it. An angry preacher may think he is giving reproof and correction. In reality, he is exercising vengeance upon God’s people.

(5) It causes us to lose the battle to spread God’s truth among the nations of the world. Our spirit of anger weakens or neutralizes our presentation of the truth.

The truth of the spirit is not the most powerful when it is presented with a work of the flesh. The truth of the spirit is the most powerful when it is presented with the fruit of the spirit.

A pastor said to me, "But couldn’t the intensity of our presentation of the truth cause people to think we’re angry when we’re really not?" My reply to him was this: "Our love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance should be so obvious that there would be no question about our being angry." The Holy Spirit knows better how to use His Sword than do we! Let me make clear what I’m saying here. I am not against strong, clear, plain, powerful, bold preaching. I’m for that. I am for preaching that exposes sin and Satan. What I am saying is this: It may be a fine line, but there must be a line drawn: between being emphatic or being enraged; between being fiery or being frightening; between being watchful or wrathful. There must be a line between correction and condemnation; between intensity and indignation; between reproving and raging. I’m not suggesting passivity. No great leaders in the Bible were passive men. I am suggesting that our attacks and our defenses be filled with spiritual propriety and humility and a heart of concern. 1 Peter 3:15 says, "But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you, a reason of the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear."

Luke 4:22 tells about Jesus’ message in the synagogue at Nazareth. What was it that stood out about Jesus’ preaching? "And all bare him witness, and wondered at the gracious words which proceeded out of his mouth."

From the message, "Freedom from the Spirit of Anger" by Dr. S.M. Davis

 

How to Pray for Your Children - Part 4

A recent report listed the top offences in state owned schools in the United States during the 1940's as being: talking, chewing gum, making noise, running in the halls, getting out of turn in line, wearing improper clothing, and not putting paper in waste baskets. Today the top offences are: rape, robbery, assault, burglary, arson, bombings, murder, suicide, absenteeism vandalism extortion, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, gang warfare, pregnancies, abortions, and venereal disease. Even in Britain, the temptations and pressures our children face today are, perhaps, greater than in any other generation.

Over the last number of months we've been looking at how to effectively pray for your children. Because if you aren't praying for your children then it's most likely that no one else is either

We've already looked at the importance of praying diligently for the salvation of our children at an early age. We need to pray also that they will have a hatred for sin. Third, that they would be protected from the evil one. Fourth, that they would respect those in authority over them. And fifth, that they will desire the right kind of friends.

Today, we want to begin by looking at the importance of praying that they will be kept from the wrong mate and saved for the right one. 2 Corinthians 6:14 says, "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?"

After your children's salvation, one of the most important decisions they will ever make is who they will marry. Yet so many young people today base their decision on nothing more than emotions. The only basis for a young Christian couple to consider marriage is not that they feel "love" for each other but the assurance that God has brought them together. Feelings come and feelings will go and if your children do not have God's blessing upon their marriage it is almost certainly doomed for disaster,

Statistics give us the tragic fact that over one in three marriages will end in the divorce courts. The majority of marriages which survive this statistic are by no means immune from problems. In the remaining two thirds of marriages which survive the divorce courts, there are many other marriages which are experiencing psychological divorce - this is where a couple may live in the same home together but they are not experiencing the oneness or harmony which God intends for their marriage. For these couples, holy wedlock has become a holy deadlock.

Sociologists tell us that the kind of relationship most marriages experience today is, what they have termed, utilitarian. A utilitarian relationship is the sort of relationship you have with a waitress or shop assistant – I want her services, I don’t want her.

Would it shock you to learn that most marriages in Britain - including Christian marriages - are utilitarian. They are based on services. She does the laundry, she takes care of the children, and cooks the meals; he makes the money, he does the repairs - but so far as an intimate, warm, loving relationship is concerned, it's just not there.

One of the major reasons why couples do not enjoy the oneness and harmony in their marriage that God intends is because God was left out of the decision making process right at the beginning. God has a very specific plan and purpose for our children's lives that includes who they should and should not marry. And we need to pray diligently that they will be kept from the wrong mate and saved for the right one.

We also need to pray that they, as well as those they marry, will be kept pure until marriage. I Corinthians 6:18-20 says, 'Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. 19 What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost [which is] in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? 20 For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's."

This means that if you as a parent have been involved in past immorality you need to be aware that your children will experience overwhelming temptations in this same area. The generational sins that are passed down through the family line are incredibly strong especially when sexual immorality is involved!

In my counseling ministry I've now learned that if a child is exhibiting unusual sexual behavior or is sexually alert at just four or five years old, it is usually because of the influence of generational sins which can go back as far as four generations. One father recently shared with me his concerns about his eleven year old son who had been involved in several different sexual perversions. I asked the father about his own moral life and he confessed to being in deep bondage to pornography. This pattern repeats itself time and time again. Numbers 14:18 says, "The LORD [is] longsuffering, and of great mercy, forgiving iniquity and transgression and by no means clearing [the guilty], visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth [generation]."

If you have been involved in past immorality then you need to ask God to take back that surrendered "ground" that you've given to the enemy, and you need to ask Him to halt the progression of generational sins upon your children.

As I talk to Christian young people today there are two areas that many do not want God to control: their music and their dating! These are such crucial areas in a young person's life and they fail to recognise that any area of their life that they do not want God to control, Satan and his demons will!

The sexual relationship is a wonderful gift that God has given to us to be enjoyed within the confines of the marriage relationship. I am very much against this very recent phenomena of the boyfriend/girlfriend game that we encourage our children to be involved in and then we wonder why there are so many of them fail morally. Pray diligently that they, as well as those they marry, will be kept pure until marriage.